KyGuy

“The Alphabet Song” By Mr. ABC Is This Weekends Inspiration. (Warning: Graphic Language)

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Well the time has come yet again to inspire you Ky Guys for the weekend. Each and every single week I bring you the latest in the most inspirational songs on the internet. I can’t count the number of times someone has come up to me and said “Hey The Guy! I love the weekend inspiration. The songs are always good but do you think you have anything for some who doesn’t really know their ABC’s but also likes offensive material?” Why yes, yes I do. Without further ado I present this weekend’s inspiration. This weekend’s inspiration is “the alphabet song” by Mr. ABC. I do have to warn you that it does feature some offensive language so I wouldn’t go watching it at work….not without head phones anyway. Now go out, sing your abcs, drink some beer, and have a good old time. Stay safe and I’ll see you all Monday. I’m gonna fuck you up!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Is This Movie Gonna Be Good?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

So today’s movie is The Canyons. It’s a film written by Bret Easton Ellis and is starring Lindsay Lohan and James Deen. Yes, that’s James Deen the porn star not to be confused with James Dean the long deceased movie icon who actually had talent. So I’m not really sure what it’s about yet again. The trailer leads me to believe that maybe it has something to do with the porn world? It says something about sex and murder….which I’ve come to expect from Bret Easton Ellis…..Since it’s written by Bret Easton Ellis I kind of expect graphic sex and gross murders….that’s just the way it is. I don’t know if it was just a really shitty trailer but this movie looks bad. Like really bad. The only reason I posted it is because it stars a porn star and I think that’s funny. I mean if Lohan gets naked that could be cool. I’d see it for that. Even then I would probably just wait for the dvd. I don’t know. I don’t have high hopes for this movie. What do you guys think? Is this movie going to be good or should Lindsay make The Parent Trap 2: Seriously The Lohan Parents Are A Mess. (Yes I will probably make fake sequel names every week from now on. You’re welcome).

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Kelloggs Makes Man Cereal

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“Time to put a hold on those jokes about not having enough iron in your diet. Kellogg's is recalling 2.8 million boxes of its popular Mini-Wheats, both frosted and unfrosted, after a snafu left fragments of metal mesh in some packages. The recall involves boxes of all sizes with a use-by date between April 1 and Sept. 21 of 2013. No injuries or illnesses have been reported yet due to contaminated cereal, but the company is likely to take a $30 million hit, on top of $100 million it's already spent this year to fix supply chain issues. Good thing we can still count on bacon for breakfast.”-(Credit: MSN)

I see what you are doing here Mini-Wheat’s. As is my style, instead of just coming out and saying what my theory is, I’m going to make a long winded response instead. “Oh Joy” Before the dawn of time men were being men. They would wrestle wildebeests to the ground and drink their blood as nourishments. They would throw boulders at each other for fun. When they weren’t drinking the blood of their enemies, they would only drink Bud heavy’s. No water, no milk, just straight American Budweiser’s. Then as time went on people got less manly. They would buy wildebeest at the super market. They would drink low fat lattes and soy drinks. However, there is one thing they wouldn’t do. They wouldn’t eat Mini-Wheats. They had to draw the line somewhere. So what did Mini-Wheats do? They tried a new, manlier recipe. They took out all the middle men. Just wheat and cold hard steel. The two basic man food groups….but it was too late. Men were too unmanly to eat straight steel….that and consuming steel will lead to your untimely death. I know. Crazy. So they had to pull it from the shelves….but not before The Guy could buy 100 boxes of it. Now if you’ll excuse me. I have manly things to attend to. Good day.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

No I Didn’t Watch The VP Debate….But It Did See These Awesome Paul Ryan Work Out Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“Time magazine has a keen sense of timing. Paul Ryan posed for a fairly ridiculous series of workout-centric photos way back in December, when Ryan was a runner-up for Time's Person of the Year. Ryan, whose father and grandfather died of heart attacks, is a famous gym rat and a devotee of the P90X training system — so this probably made sense at the time. The magazine, though, decided to release some of the images today, just coincidentally (we're sure) the day of the vice presidential debate. If reaction has been mixed (New York magazine: "Is this any less silly than Dukakis in the tank?") one winner is Ryan's bicep, which landed its own Twitter account”-(Credit: MSN )

It is my job as a blogger to point out all ridiculous things on the internet. What you see above are pictures of VP candidate and apparent gym nut Paul Ryan, who appears to be working out….with a goofy smile…..and a backwards red hat….but before I continue with this blog I’m just going to say that this is in no way a blog that portrays any of my political views. I’m just a man that loves ridiculous pictures of famous people. With that being said…HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….HAHA….HA….HAAAA. Look at this goober. I don’t care what your political stance is, these pictures are hilarious. Just VP contender getting his work out on like it aint no thang. In his defense I’m sure he had no idea these would be released so close to election time but I have to say I’m kind of glad they did. If these had been released in December no one would have gave a shit because no one would have known who he was….but given his current stance in politics it’s pretty fucking hilarious. It looks like a poster I would see in health class with the caption “The Gym Is My Anti-Drug” underneath….or “Healthy Living Is Okay With Me”. I kind of want to find the guy who took these pictures…..because you know it wasn’t Paul Ryan’s idea to wear the ridiculous hat. “Hey Paul….we are going for a gym theme here so here’s your weights…..something’s missing…AH! Here put on this red hat….backwards” because we all know never to lift without a red hat. TJ Detweiler status.

P.S. Hey Paul….maybe spend less time on those killer biceps and work on those chicken legs of yours….pathetic.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

I Can’t Quite Put My Thumb On This! (You’ll See What I Did There)

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

“"In Italian there is an expression: 'hide myself behind my finger,'" the artist known as Dito Von Tease tells Shine. "It's a metaphor to mean a not-very-effective hiding place." However, the 33-year-old native of Bologna turned this idea on its head when he created his "Ditology"series of portraits. Von Tease, who also goes by the name "Il Dito" (The Finger), started the project three years ago, when he first subscribed to Facebook. He decided to design an avatar using a photo of his own index finger and some digital retouching. He says, "I wanted to be free from my role, my oppressive relatives, and my not-very-friends." The burlesque performer Dita Von Teese, whom he calls "an expert in disguises," inspired his alias.”-(Credit: Yahoo)

Oh yea? You make different faces on your thumb for artistic purposes? I know what that means. *wink wink* *nudge nudge* I know why you are really doing it. Let’s talk later when Big Brother isn’t monitoring our every word. “Not this big brother shit again! Just say your idiotic theory so we can move on please” I think it’s pretty clear why he paints faces on his thumbs. You see we are in the golden age of technology. Everywhere you go some new form of tech pops up right in front of you. We are right on the cusp of having everything we use be activated by a thumb print. Don’t have the right thumb print and you can’t do much. So what has this guy done? He has gone on to become the world’s best master of thumb disguise. No matter what the technology is, he can access it with a clever thumb disguise! Genius! He’s a visionary! I’d like to see Big Brother stop that! “Oh….my…..god…… I don’t have an insult good enough for this situation. You sure you have a college degree?” Oh yes…yes I do! Dito Von Tease, I salute you and your dedication to the cause. Your thumb disguises should come in handy during the uprising. Let’s keep in TOUCH…..Do you see what I did there?

P.S. Black Face? Really?

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

“Taken 3” Is Happening, Sorry Mike Ryan

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“The dust hasn't even settled on "Taken 2's" nearly $50 million opening weekend, and already talk has turned to its inevitable sequel. According to Hollywood.com, in an exclusive interview with the film's screenwriter Robert Mark Kamen, 20th Century Fox and producer Luc Besson are already keen on fast-tracking "Taken 3," seemingly ignoring the inconvenient fact that Liam Neeson's Bryan Mills' doesn't have any other relatives left to be kidnapped.”-(Credit: MSN)

Sorry Mike Ryan but it looks like Liam Neeson is coming back to kick ass and take names without actually taking names. Taken 3 is happening. So that means more kidnapping. More bad female driving. More bad ass lines. Hopefully some throat ripping. Who knows what they have in store with us for the third installment but I’ll tell you what…..I can’t wait for it. I can’t wait for it and I haven’t even seen the second one yet. Yea. That’s what’s up! But MSN makes a good point here. Who is left to get kidnapped? They already took his daughter. They already took his ex-wife. They already took HIM! Who’s next? I could see them making him go save an illegitimate child or something. I can see it now! A grand reunion of father and son in Paris, when all of a sudden a group of terrorist steal his son. The only thing Liam Neeson knows how to do is to kill his way to his son. No wait! Liam Neeson’s character is going to be diagnosed with multiple personalities. He will be Bryan, former CIA agent….and RYAN, Mexican drug dealer. Ryan will kidnap his daughter and Bryan will have to find her. Bryan Mills’ greatest enemy is himself! Can he save his daughter from himself?! Find out in Taken 3! BOOM! Number one at the box office! Man! I should really write movies. I’m almost too good at it.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Manute Bol’s Son Looks Creepily Like His Dad, Has The Best Name On The Planet

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“Yet, as pointed out by Prep Rally's brotherly blog Ball Don't Lie, Bol also had a night where he showed he could really stroke the deep ball, connecting on a remarkable six 3-pointers for the 76ers in a game against the Suns. Now, some two years after Bol's death, a new, living legacy for his basketball talent has emerged: Manute Bol's son, Bol Bol. And like his father, Bol Bol is already proving that his game has range that is often belied by his stunning height.

Bol Bol is a seventh-grader in Kansas and already stands a lanky 6-foot-5. As you can see in the video above, the middle schooler already bears a stunning resemblance to his father, too, with extremely long and slender appendages that sometimes seem to be held together by mere rubber bands rather than flesh and bone.”-(Credit: Yahoo)

I was going to sit here and make a miserable blog about how Manute Bol’s son looks exactly like Manute Bol. I mean it really is a creepy resemblance. He’s pretty much a clone of his late father. Same lanky body. Same stance. Same dumb ass look on his face when he’s standing on the court waiting for a time out to end. Must be some sort of freak clone of his father. Kid is bound to be at least 60 feet tall when he is done growing. The Guy is calling it now. Manute Bol’s son, Bol Bol, will be 60 feet tall when he is full grown. Which brings me to my next point. Manute Bol was either the laziest son of a bitch ever…..or the most underrated genius of our time. He named his son Bol Bol…..Same first name as his last name. Some may call that lazy. I call it genius. It is probably the best name in basketball. Bol Bol. So simple. So exotic. So Bol. Can you picture it now? “Now making his way to the court for The Celtics…Standing at 60 feet tall….weighing 200 lbs…..BOL BOL!!!!!” Oh, in case you missed it….I’m hereby claiming dibs on Bol Bol for The Celtics when he enters the NBA. Sure he’s only in middle school but there’s no doubt in my mind that he will be in the NBA based on the name alone. I’m not even concerned with whether or not he’s going to be a good player. I’m thinking about all the merchandise. Bol Bol shirts. Bol Bol mouse pads. Bol Bol mugs! So many opportunities! Bol Bol for president! Bol Bol for lyfe!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Burger King Continues To Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

“Have you been sitting at a drive-thru so long you just put your car in park? Or did you open that steamy paper sack and find the wrong foil-wrapped order? Congratulations — you've just been to Burger King! According to a study by QSR (Quick Service Restaurants), the King has the slowest drive-thru, taking a whopping 3:20 to fork over your Whopper, which is almost a minute slower than the speedsters at Wendy's. Burger King was also the least accurate establishment, getting orders right only 83 percent of the time, which probably explains why they're also one of the poorest rated for customer satisfaction. "Your way, right away?" Not even close, guys”-(Credit: MSN)

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times…. “You’ve started a blog out like that at least a thousand times….”…… You done? We good? Can I move on? Please leave the comedy to me. Okay? Back to what I was saying before. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Burger King sucks. It’s easily the worst fast food burger shop going. The food sucks, the name is misleading, and they take forever to make your food. This scientific study just about proves my theory. “There really isn’t anything scientific about it….” Ever hear of the scientific method? It’s got science right in the fucking name! Yea that’s what I thought. BOOM! Eight grade science classed your ass. Now what? Anyway, fuck Burger King. Three minutes and twenty seconds to get my order? I might as well sit down and have a three course meal at Outback Steak House! I might as well make my own dinner! I might as well sit down and watch a Terrence Malick movie! My god Burger King….you call three minutes and twenty seconds fast food? That’s fucking despicable. How long does it take to microwave a burger now-a-days?! 45 seconds tops? Pathetic. How do you only have 83 percent accuracy? Is it really that hard to read a slip? “So by 2 Whoppers the must actually mean 3 Hersey Pies right? Derrrrrr I work at Burger King. I wear paper hat. Ding fries are done”….I’m sorry for that joke…. I really am. In conclusion, Burger King sucks on very level. It has no redeeming qualities and I never wish to dine there again. Thank you.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

The Guy Takes On The Tough Issues

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“Behold the Taghkanic House, presiding over a gentleman’s farm in upstate New York’s Hudson Valley, a two-hour drive from New York City. The most visible part of this largely invisible contemporary home consists of an 1,800-square-foot glass pavilion. Glass houses always raise questions of privacy. However, in this case such practical concerns are addressed so that the majority of the home's living space consists of hidden subterranean chambers.”-(Credit: Yahoo)

So my friend Mandrew Garfield Facebook chatted me today saying something like “You should write about politics derrrrr I’m an idiot and smell worse than the great depression. I’m not even sure that joke makes any sense derrrr” and I said “That’s great an all but I think people are more interested in how one would take a shit in a glass house” Which brings me to the main point of this blog….glass houses look cool and all but how can someone take a shit in a glass house? Not only can the people in your house see you taking a shit, which in itself is fucking gross, but everyone in the outside world can too. You literally have zero privacy. How am I supposed to walk around my house naked if my walls are see-through? How am I supposed to try and fail at P90X with all of the world watching me give up? How am I secretly supposed to watch He’s Just Not That Into You, without onlookers judging me for enjoying a little Bradley Cooper? The man has chiseled features! My point is, glass houses cost like a bagillion dollars and for what? You literally lose the one thing a home is supposed to be used for. Privacy. Not to mention that I’m clumsy as fuck. I’m a pretty hefty dude so if I go down, I’m cracking a glass floor. That’s just all there is to it. I can’t afford to be replacing floors every time I fall. I just can’t do that! Fuck glass houses! Can’t even take a shower without everyone looking at my business. Makes me sick. Go kick rocks glass houses. Unless you think it would break you. AHHHHH BURN! Yea…..I’m cool.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

How Is This Dude Single?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“He's single, ladies.

Dan Knowlton has amassed a collection of more than 600 Cabbage Patch Kids dolls since the 1980s, according to the Daily Mail.

Check out photos of Knowlton and his collection below

"My Cabbage Patch Kids are my children," Knowlton said. "They're easier to cope with. They have a few hand-me-down clothes from my nieces, and I've even made a few outfits for them over the years."

Three rooms of Knowlton's apartmentare taken up by his "kids," who he spends hours each week changing and dusting. He also cleans their beds, chairs and shelves, where they live.

"They now take up most of my home and I couldn't say how much I have spent buying them," Knowlton said. "I love their individuality. As the all cloth dolls have been hand stitched each one is different."”-(Credit: HuffPost)

Listen, I’m all for doing what makes you happy but come on man! 600 Cabbage Patch Kids? A grown man has 600 Cabbage Patch Kids? You’ve got to be shitting me. It’s weird for a little boy to have A SINGULAR Cabbage Patch Kid, let alone a 50 year old man have 600 of them. That’s some creepy ass stuff. Good God man! Have some pride. A dude like this should be a considered a hoarder. He should be subjected to some sort of mental evaluation. He should have a little bit of shame in this situation….but does he? I don’t know….. let’s have a look at this dude.

BOOM! Happy as a fucking clam. It’s like a poster for a horrible, horrible movie. The guy couldn’t be fucking happier. He’s in his own little world. His own little fucked up Cabbage Patch world….and he doesn’t give a shit. I have to admit, I’m not mad at him. I’m not mad at him one bit. I don’t dislike him. I actually kind of respect his hustle. It’s almost like he’s saying “Yea I have 600 Cabbage Patch Kids. Don’t give a shit. What you gonna do about it? If you got it, flaunt it. Knaaaaaa mean?”….or a variation of that. I mean do I think the guy has a serious mental illness? I do. I very much do. I wish for him to seek help…but the dude is happy. How many people in the world can say that? Play on playa…… just stay the fuck away from me and my family. Please.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

“Gangnam Style” May Just Be This Generations “Macarena”

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

“PSY and his Gangnam-styled good looks are making the dreams of every American fan come true. The galloping rapper announced that he will record his next single in English, ensuring that devout K-poppers in the US will have more than the words "Ehh sexy baby" to look forward to.

According to an interview with the BBC, PSY began work on the song this week. But writing a follow-up with the same viral punch as his breakout dance video -- in a foreign language no less -- has proved more difficult than you'd think.

"It's too much pressure to overcome Gangnam Style," he lamented to the BBC. "It's really hard."”-(Credit: HuffPost)

Poor dude. Actually thinks he is gonna have another hit. Maybe I’m just being pessimistic though. I mean have we every really seen a foreign language dance song turn out to be just a one hit wonder?

That’s right. I’m going to make a bold prediction right now and call “Gangnam Style” this generations “Macarena”. Yea the dance moves are a bit more involved and the the song writing is a little more advanced but it has all the same key parts. An annoying beat, random foreign people yelling things at me at a fast pace, distinct dance moves. I can’t believe that I’m the first one to figure this out. If the internet was as popular when the Macerena came out as it is now, you bet your ass tons of people would be making annoying Macerena videos like they do with “Call Me Maybe” and “Gangnam Style”. Hate to break it to you PSY but there aren’t any more hits coming from you. You can look forward to being played at every wedding, bar mitzvah, and any other social gathering that involvs alcohol from now until the end of time. It’s not much but at least it pays the bills....and that….that’s pretty cool. Oppan Gangnam Style!....God is that annoying…..

P.S. Every time someone says the name “PSY” all I can think of is Psyduck…..

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Nothing To See Here, Just Giant Man Eating Bugs!

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“This carnivorous crustacean related to the tiny pill bugs in your yard are found in the cold, deep waters of the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans. While usually about a foot long, the isopod can grow to a horrifying 3.7 pounds and 30 inches. To help scavenge the ocean floor, the creature has two pairs of antenna, seven pairs of legs and four sets of jaws. Like pill bugs, giant isopods can roll themselves into a tight ball with armor-plated shells when threatened.”-(Credit: Mandatory)

Sooooooo this thing exists. Yup. Just your average foot long, 4 pound bug that eats people and destroys lives just for the fun of it. “Nowhere in the text does it once say that it eats people. That’s just ridiculous” Ridiculous? I think I know what carnivorous means and last time I check it mean ‘he who eats on people’ okay? “ First off you sound like an old Indian chief. Second off carnivorous means something that eats meat….” YEA HUMAN MEAT! Listen you don’t have to believe me but these things are out for blood. Look at its fucking face and tell me this thing is nice. Look at it! It looks mean! It looks like it want’s to eat me. I bet there is one living under my bed right now just waiting for me to fall asleep so it can feast on my delicious organs. I knew I shouldn’t have had those Donettes right before bed. That just doubles my deliciousness. Damn you Hostess! DAMN YOUUUUU! Well I’ve got some bad news for you isopod. The Guy doesn’t sleep, he waits….and I’m waiting for you right now. Right when you should show your big bug face, I’m gonna cave it in with a baseball back BOOM! POW! Right in the kissah! I’d like to see your little ball of defense stop that you stupid asshole! HA! The Guy: 1 The Giant Isopod: 0! BOOYA! “So at what point do I point out that these things are only found on the ocean floor?” Because you touch yourself at night! “That insult doesn’t make sense” Yea and then my dad got a job! Totally got you fucker. Yea!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Here’s To The Tim Allen Blog That Never Was

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“An Oakland, Calif., man is trying to find Tim Taylor, and not the one who worked for Binford Tools. Larry Wright was hiking the Sierra mountains with his grandkids when he found a small metal container near the top of 12,000-foot Milestone Peak; it contained a letter written in 1972 from a then-13-year-old boy who had completed the hike. "Anyone finding this, please write," the teen implored. The letter had an address, but the current residents didn't know Taylor, nor is anyone by that name on voter registration records. Although Wright is looking for him, he might have to be satisfied with simply finding Taylor's letter. "I've never heard of anything like it," one park ranger said.”-(Credit: MSN)

Now you may be saying to yourself “The Guy, why would you blog this story? I mean it’s cool and all but what direction are you gonna go with it?” and to be honest with you, I’m not really sure how to answer that. BECAUSE THEY STOLE MY ENTIRE BLOG AND WASTED IT ON ONE HORRIBLE JOKE! “Tim Taylor climbed this mountain, and not the one who worked for Binford Tools. Hardy har har Now The Guy can’t write an entire blog about Tim Allen” That was the exact thought going through their head when they wrote that joke. They knew I’d see this and think “What a great excuse to write a blog about Tim Allen” and BOOM! Spoiled it with a Home Improvement joke right out of the gate. It wasn’t even a good one! It was worth one chuckle at the very most! My blog would have been great! It woulda had everything from JTT jokes that correlated to JT jokes to Al Borland references to a joke that would talk about why we REALLY never saw Wilsons face! (it involved a duck….and admittedly wasn’t very funny) I know. It sounds like a kick ass blog. But too bad we will never know how good it could have been thanks to MSN. Way to go MSN, somewhere Tim Allen sells cocaine and Richard Karn tries to pick up women using the old “Hi. I played Al Borland…..sex?” line….and it all could have been prevented with my Tim Allen blog. Too bad it will never be. Raises your glasses and pour some DRANK on the ground. Here’s to the Tim Allen blog that never was.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

What Do They Put In Donettes To Make Them So Magical?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

There are few things The Guys is passionate about. I’m talking about the usuals such as Boston sports, beer, and salsa. I’m talking about the classics such as JT, Jennifer Lawrence, and movie viewings alone. I’m talking about the unspoken passions such as pottery, ferbies, and porcelain figurines. One of the biggest passions I have is snack cakes. Obviously. Some snack cakes are far better than others. You have things like Devil dogs, which I’ll eat if they are presented to me. Then there are things like Zebra Cakes, which are a way of life. Then there are things that I hadn't had for a while but ate a whole bag of them this morning and had a revelation. Obviously I’m talking about Donettes. “How the fuck is that obvious?” I’m strictly talking about the chocolate covered Donettes here. None of that powered bullshit. Is there a better breakfast snack cake than Donettes? I mean come one! They are mini donuts! How can you beat that? I literally sat down and ate an entire bag today. Literally ate an entire fucking bag. Not because I was that hungry but because I couldn't stop eating them. Am I proud of the fact that I ate that many? No. No at all. Do I regret any second of it? Not a chance in fucking hell. They are just that good. Donettes are a way of life. Agree with me or agree with me…..those are your two options. Donettes for life motherfuckers! Donettes for fucking life!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

Wait Taken 2 Isn't A True Story?...Moron

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

I don’t know if I’m just getting older or if I’m not getting enough sleep or what….but people annoy me more and more every day. Today’s person that annoys me is a none other than Mike Ryan, Senior entertainment writer for Huffington Post. Mike went ahead and wrote an article about how Taken 2 just wasn’t realistic enough for him. Oh yea dude? The sequel to the movie where a guy’s daughter gets kidnapped in a foreign country so he goes over there, with just a voice to go on as evidence, and finds his daughters kidnappers but not before killing dozens of people with his bare hands….isn’t realistic enough for you? What was unrealistic about it? Oh the fact that his daughter has trouble driving? You didn’t like that? Because no women has ever been bad at driving before. The fact that his ex-wife divorced the man she married after him? That wasn't real enough for you? Because people rarely get divorced now-a-days. The fact that they don’t mention his daughters ludicrous idea of becoming a famous singer in this movie? You don’t think that’s realistic? Because no one has had their dreams broken before. Get some better examples bruh. Listen, I’m not going to sit here an act like Taken 2 is realistic but it’s not supposed to be! If you walked into Taken 2 thinking it’s going to be realistic, especially after seeing the first one, then you my friend are a complete idiot. You have no business seeing movies, let alone reviewing them. You are awarded no points and may god have mercy on your soul. Taken 2 was too unrealistic for you Mike Ryan? Shit. I ‘d hate to see your review for The Wizard Of Oz. That shit must have fucked you up real good.

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

This Nerd Has The Worst Super Power

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“Meet Aurelien Hayman. He can remember exact details from every single day of his life starting from a very young age. Some may wonder if this is an emotionally taxing gift, but Hayman explains it’s not. The 20-year-old is one of only a handful of people in the world with hyperthymesia, which is the medical term for a highly superior autobiographical memory. Hayman is featured in a documentary by Channel 4 titled "The Boy Who Can't Forget."”-(Credit: AOL)

Everyone check out this pompous asshole “Ahhh everyone look at me. I can’t forget any part of my life. I think I’m better than everyone else because I remember everything! Everyone should kiss my ass daaaaa I have a British accent” Fuck off bro. You ain’t shit. Why don’t you have a more useless super power? You can remember every aspect of your life? So what? Who cares? What good does that do for anyone else? So you can’t forget any part of your life? And I should be impressed because……? Listen dude, you got a super good memory and all but it takes a lot more to impress The Guy. You want to impress me? Try doing something cool like flying, or teleporting, or…. “This is where you make a really bad joke about watching Nic Cage movies or making Tyler Perry movies funny….predictable” Yea like I’m that predictable! “I mean having a fake person call you on being predictable is getting predictable in itself. Do you have any new jokes?” What are you my parents? Why don’t you tell me to get a real job? Or “Hey The Guy…how many times are you gonna wake up in your underwear on the living room floor?” or “Hey The Guy…what is this charge for ‘SkimMILF.com’ on my credit card”? I’ll tell you what, I’ll come up with new jokes when you and my parents get off my back. Okay? Hey Aurelien Hayman, do yourself a favor….no wait do yourself two favors. Get yourself a normal human name and get a super power that people give a shit about. Having a super good memory is for the birds and nerds….and I don’t see no wings! BOOM! How’s that for a joke?!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitter

“Chocolate Rain” by Tay Zonday Is This Weekends Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel nostalgic. Today is one of those days. I find myself longing for the days of AOL 7.0, buddy lists, and dial up internet. I find myself longing for the days when you would have to wait hours for a video to load and when it’s finally ready to view, a call comes in and you get kicked off. When you are lucky enough to actually watch the video you waited so long for, you hear this deep and sultry voice singing about the sweetest of rains. A cocoa downpour if you will. “I’m pretty sure the song is about racism” Oh yea? Well I’m pretty sure there is some pretty killer keyboard featured in it. What’s your point? Because of this nostalgia I’ve been feeling, I present to you this weekend’s inspiration. This weekend’s inspiration is Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday. Now sign on to AOL just to throw up an away message “Out with the usual suspects. Get at me”, drink some beers in the woods, always remember that chocolate rain, and have good old fashioned fun. Stay safe and I’ll see you all Monday. ** I move away from the mic to breathe in.

Like TheGuyon facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Is This Movie Gonna Be Good?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

For today’s movie I bring you The Lone Ranger. It’s a flick based on the comic books/old TV/old Movie series. It’s starring Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer. Johnny Depp plays Tonto which is pretty cool I guess. I hear he is part Native American not that it matters. I guess whatever tribe he was in invited him to some festival and he went and made nice and shit of that nature. Not sure why I felt that was worth mentioning but none the less I have included it in this blog. I never saw the old shit and I never read the comics so I don’t really know what it’s all about. Looks like there are train robbers and like a sheriff and an Indian join forces to save the people from getting robbed on trains. Truly ground breaking stuff. Looks pretty action packed and Johnny Depp’s costume is pretty cool. Armie Hammer is a pretty diesel actor too so the flick could be alright. Plus I like the word “kimosabe” and plan on using it a lot more now. You’re welcome. So what do you guys this? Is this movie gonna be good or should Johnny Depp make What’s Eating Gilbert Grape Again?! (the unofficial sequel to What’s Eating Gilbert Grape that I wrote last summer)?

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Bees Finally Do Something Right

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“Bees at a cluster of apiaries in northeastern France have been producing honey in mysterious shades of blue and green, alarming their keepers who now believe residue from containers of M&M's candy processed at a nearby biogas plant is the cause.”-(Credit: Reuters )

Honey that tastes like M&M’s you say? “That is not at all what they are saying. The colors are from the containers not from the actual candy….” Looks like bees have finally done something right. Everyone knows that M&M’s ( I refer to them as ‘neminems’ because I’m still 4’) are arguably the most addicting candy in the game. You ever see a full bowl on M&M’s at a party? You ever see any bowls of M&M’s at a party? No. No you don’t because they are eaten within seconds! SECONDS! I can’t count the number of times I’ve gone to a party that has a full bowl of honey lying around. “What the fuck kind of parties do you go to?” I’m talking untouched bowls of honey everywhere I turn. Want to know why? “Because putting out a bowl of honey at a party is fucking weird” NO! Because they aren’t M&M’s….that’s why. “ I….honestly….don’t know how you function in society” Thank you. So the bee’s wised up to this game and said “Honey isn’t selling. We need something new. Something addicting to keep the people coming back. Since cocaine is far too expensive I suggest we go with M&M’s” Yes, bees speak English. It’s not every day that I compliment bees but I have to say that they have got something going here. My hat is off to you bees. Now get the fuck away from me. I hate everything about who you choose to be.

P.S. Do you know how to scare a bee? Say “boo bee”……get it? Boo Bee? LIKE BOOBIE! Classic The Guy! Hope this Friday finds you well!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Is Jennifer Lawrence Really Dating This Goober?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“Jennifer Lawrence is the star of the "Hunger Games" franchise, but the thing she thinks people are jealous of is her hot boyfriend, fellow "X-Men: First Class" star Nicholas Hoult.

Jennifer made the comment while talking about her boyfriend's fashion sense with Vogue UK.

"He'll sometimes wear these white tennis shoes with jeans, then tuck his pants into his socks," she told Vogue UK magazine, which features the actress on the November 2012 cover. "He has absolutely no idea how good-looking he is. I think a lot of women and men hate me because of that."”-(Credit: Yahoo)

I don’t know if you caught on to the act or not but Jennifer Lawrence really isn’t my girlfriend. I know. I know. We make the perfect couple and blah blah blah…but truth is I made it all up. I made it all up to entertain you people. I’m sorry. I prolly just blew some many of your minds that it’s not even funny. We can get over this betrayal later but now it’s time for more pressing matters. It turns out that she is in fact dating someone. Apparently she is dating this fucking goober. Look at this dude. No beer. No fedora. No blog. Goofy on every level. He looks like DJ Qualls with less swag.

Yea….. it’s that’s serious. You can’t possibly be dating this dude. People aren’t jealous of “how good looking he is”….People are jealous because this goober is walking around with arm candy like you. It literally makes no sense. I got beer. I got a blog. I can get swag. I’ll borrow some from JT if I have to. What does this dude got that I don’t? Tons of money, a promising movie career, and that doofy fucking smile? Who the fuck needs that when you can have me? I run the most successful blog about me on the internet! Who else can say that? Huh? Jennifer, get your act together. Dump this square and meet me at Applebees. 2 for $20 bitch. 2 for fucking 20!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

F'n Arlene P.

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

Fucking Arlene P. Right when I think I’ve heard the last of her she finds a way to come back into my life. So The Guy was sitting there yesterday afternoon watching a little Comedy Central when I heard something that I haven’t heard in such a long time. Something that will haunt my dreams. “What are your specials again?” “Dude she just said them. Chilli and chicken and shit bro open your ears” “That’s hot” “Girls love a guy who listens blah blah blah Livelinks for life. Your shirts suck. Told you we’d be back mother fucker” Some of you newer readers might be confused right now. A while back The Guy Tore Apart A Livelinks Commercial. Saying how stupid it was, how it doesn’t make any sense and how I didn’t get what they are even trying to sell. Well somehow my buddy Arlene P. found out about it and sent some Arlene P community manager at Livelinks sass right at me. I pretty much replied saying that this commercial only plays late at night and blah blah blah. Well here it was on my TV screen at 5 pm in the fucking afternoon! I was shocked! I didn’t know what to do. This whole time I was thinking that I had slayed the mighty Arlene P….yet here I am shock faced. She had a plan all along. She knew what she was doing the whole time. Arlene P is a blog shark. She has played me. Arlen fucking P fucking played me like a fool. Somewhere she sits in her swivel chair rubbing her hands together, laughing like an idiot as The Guy scours at his computer screen. Well played Arlene P. Well played indeed. You may have gotten me this time but you won’t be so lucky next. This isn’t over Arlene P. This isn’t over by a long shot!

Like TheGuyon facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Poor Daniel Craig

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“Daniel Craig says he misses the days he could get drunk in a bar without fear of someone taking his picture.

He tells Vanity Fair, "You talk to people in the movie business who have been doing this 40 years and they all say the difference is that, back in the day, you could go and have a drink in the bar, get drunk, fall over, have a good time, relax, whatever, and no one would know about it. But now everyone's got a camera. Not that all I want to do is get drunk in a bar, but that's an example. So you can't live a normal life anymore. Because it will become public knowledge that you're whatever -- gotten drunk in a bar or skinny-dipped on a beach or something. Things that normal people do occasionally... (It) is sad, because I like bars."”-(Credit: MSN)

Oh my god. I never realized how tough your life is millionaire movie star Daniel Craig. You can’t go out to a bar and get shit faced? How do you even live your life? How do you get by without being able to go to a bar without people taking pictures of you? Wow. WOOOOOW. I guess I never realized how tough the life of a movie star is. How do you cope? Do you cry into your millions of dollars? Do you bang your smoking hot movie star wife? Do you go and make more blockbusters? Hear I was worried about my “normal people” problems. Like barely being able to afford my car and my apartment. Like getting shot down by girls more times than not. Like getting cropped out of most pictures I’m in. But hey! At least I can go to a bar and get drunk every once and while. At least I can go skinny dipping without people taking pictures of me. (Not that anyone would want to even if I was famous). Compared to millionaire movie star Daniel Craig, I’m living the good life. Hey I’m poor, single, and ugly but at least I can get drunk! Right? Fuck celebrities and their complaints about not having a normal life. This is what you fucking signed up for and you are paid very well for it. I’d trade away all of my personal time to never have to worry about money again. Fuck you Daniel Craig. Fuck you and your chiseled features, awesome British voice, and millions of dollars. Go cry to your rich friends because us normal people don’t give a shit.

Like TheGuyon facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Manager Who Kicked Two Guys Out For Eating Too Much At All You Can Eat BuffetReceives First Ever Ky Guy Ban

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 13:15:00 +0000

“Two patrons have reportedly been banned for life from an all-you-can-eat buffet in England -- for eating too much.

George Dalmon, 26, and Andy Miles, 25, were booted from Gobi, a Mongolian Barbecue restaurant in Brighton, after the manager labeled the duo "a couple of pigs," according to reports in the British press.

The two guys were Gobi regulars, scarfing somewhere in the range of five bowls of stir-fry apiece each time: "Basically they just come in and pig out," a manager, who asked not to be named, explained to The Sun. "We have put up with them for two years but I've had enough."

He added that, in two years, neither of the pair had tipped or purchased anything other than water and the buffet. He defended his buffet-banning actions to The Telegraph: "We are not a charity, we're a business. It's our restaurant and we can tell people not to come back if we don't want them to.

Gobi's website continues to advertise the buffet deal, luring in customers with the promise of "the finest meats, seafood and fresh vegetables" stir-fried for you "as many times as you wish.""”-(Credit: HuffPost)

If this doesn’t end in a lawsuit then I’ll be very surprised. If you advertise yourself as an all you can eat buffet then you can’t kick people out for eating too much. You just can’t. You can’t tell someone they ate too much at an all you can eat buffet, you fucking assholes! “Wow. You are really fired up about this!” I just hate to see the good name of all you can eat buffets be soiled by one asshole manager. You know what I mean? You’re not a charity? Yea no shit. You’re an all you can eat buffet. All you can eat means all you can eat. It doesn’t mean one plate. It doesn’t mean two plates. It doesn’t fucking mean 10 plates. It means that if someone can eat 30 plates of the cheap, low class food you are churning out, then they get to eat 30 plates of that shit. These two guys didn’t break any rules. They didn’t try to take food out. They didn’t eat outside of the buffet times restraints. They didn’t take more than one plate at a time. Their only crime was eating too much. Eating too much at an ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET! Come on man! Can someone eat too much at an all you can eat buffet? I don’t know. Can someone stay up too late an up all night party? Can someone dance too much at an all you can dance party? Can someone eat too much peanut butter at eat peanut butter all night party? “I’m pretty sure you made those last two events up….” You get my point. I have no other choice. I have to officially black list someone from ever being a Ky Guy. Manager of Gobi’s who wished not to be named, you are hear by BANNED from achieving Ky Guy-ship for as long as you may live on the grounds of cutting someone off at an all you can eat buffet! You are dismissed and may god have mercy on your soul! Now get out of my face. You make me fucking sick.

Like TheGuyon facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Everyone Calm Down! JT Is Making New Music

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 18:20:00 +0000

“Yes, we've heard rumors of a new Justin Timberlake album before. But maybe a pop music miracle has occurred and J.T. has decided to shine his musical light once more?

According to sources at Showbiz 411, Justin Timberlake is in L.A. working on a new album. The "hush hush" project has yet to be titled and will supposedly feature over a dozen new tracks from Timberlake.

Sony is said to be keeping the project under wraps, and if that's true, who could blame them? This is like pop music manna.”-(Credit: HuffPost)

Before JT was a movie legend/Oscar bate, he was known for his music. He topped the charts with his boy band NSYNC before growing tired of Joey Fatones goatee and going solo. He revolutionized the music scene. Once he had enough of being the best at that he looked at his manager and said “Man, I’m tired of singing” and changed the cinema world forever. It is time for him to rise from the ashes and save us from the Gagas and Donny Osmonds of the world. “Donny Osmond hasn’t put out music since the 80’s…” All I’m saying is JT realized he is needed in the music world. Ever since he left it has been a downward spiral into nothingness. It’s almost as if God said “Go my son….it is time to bring sexy back again” and JT laughed and said “When I get to it! I play by my own rules” So I guess there’s only one question left to ask….when we teaming up? We should do a song together. I don’t know if you saw my Guide to writing country music but I’m excellent with lyrics. You more into style? Well maybe you should check out my Guide to writing rap music. What you think? You want me to write you a verse? JT and Dat Dude teaming up on your next album? I can see it now “JT ft. Dat Dude ‘Sexy Back Remix’” or “JT ft. Dat Dude ‘Fedoras and Whoras’” or “JT ft Dat Dude ‘We Too Cool For A Song Title’”. I’m not saying you have to make a decision right now. Just promise me you’ll think about? Okay? Cool. Thanks!

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter

Wait…The Celtics Really Signed Darko Milicic?

noreply@blogger.com (Ky Guy) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 15:40:00 +0000

“Free-agent center and former No. 2 pick Darko Milicic has agreed to sign with the Celtics, sources close to the situation confirmed.

The deal is guaranteed for one year at the league's minimum salary, according to one of the sources. Milicic, 27, had been looking for his next job since July 12, when the Minnesota Timberwolves waived him with the amnesty clause in order to erase the final two years of his controversial four-year, $16 million deal off their books for salary-cap purposes.”-(Credit: SI)

Wait, wait, wait…..The Celtics signed Darko Milicic? AT LEAGUE MINUMUM? Talk about the steal of the fucking century. Am I the last to know about this? This is like old news. How come no one told me? Can they just hand us the championship right now or do we still have to play all those games? I feel like this is fate somehow. Somehow Darko and the Celtics were meant to be together. Every event in this man’s life has been leading up to this moment. From his young days living in poverty in God knows where. To his family selling the family goat in order for young Darko to continue with his basketball fate and be picked number 2 over all over Carmelo Anthony in the NBA draft. Some people call him the biggest bust in NBA history. I’m not so sure about that one. Let’s take a look at those career stats shall we? 4.6 Points per game. 3.3 Rebounds per game. 0.6 Assists per game. Sorry guys, numbers don’t lie. Looks like we got ourselves a real ringer here. I just feel bad for KG. He bleeds for the Celtics…then we go out and get a younger, better center to take his place. Sorry KG….this is Darko’s town now.

P.S. This is a fucking joke right? This dude never sees the floor. Do you remember when he was first getting drafted? All ESPN would talk about was “Who would go first? Lebron or Darko?” What a fucking joke. Dude sucks and is the laughing-stock of the league. Welcome to the team Darko…I’ll still cheer for you.

P.P.S. You think this dude is the Scal for this squad? Just going out and giving 200% and falling short of anything good every time?

Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyIncon twitter