That’s
right. This is a thing. The worst 2 minutes and 57 seconds of your life is this
weekend’s inspiration. It just goes to show you that no matter what your dream
is, no matter how stupid your skill is, no matter where you come from….you can
succeed. Because this guy has no marketable skills whatsoever and homies worth
close to $10 million. If that doesn’t inspire you I don’t know what will. Now
go out, have some fun, drink some beers, and reflect on your life. Stay safe
this weekend folks!
I guess today
is a very thoughtful day. Earlier I talked about my disdain for breakfast and
now I must talk about another revelation I experienced today. I don’t know if it’s
a revelation or more of a tough life question. Is going to the movies still
enjoyable? I mean you get there and immediately wait in line for hours
(minutes). When you finally get up to the front of the line you have to shell
out like 100 bucks to get tickets. On top of that the large popcorn and jumbo
soda you are about to take to your face cost an additional 50 bucks so you are
already down 150 doll hairs just to get your fill of Matt Damon. Next thing you
know you are searching for a seat and you get stuck in between an old couple
who got confused and bought the wrong tickets and an obnoxious family who does
everything together and there’s always like fucking 70 of them. “Oh sorry this
entire row is saved for my family. They are down getting nachos.” Don’t give a
fuck. I’m already walking away from you and out of your life. Then you try and
settle in but you can’t because the seats are too fucking small and the arm
rests are even smaller. Seriously it’s like all of America is getting bigger and
the arms rests are getting smaller. You finally get into a state of comfort which
isn’t really comfort but more so a state of livable uncomfort. It’s not the
best there is but it’s the best it’s gonna get. You are sitting there waiting
for the previews to start and you see a high school couple walk in and you immediately
have hatred for them. As you creepily watch them make out you realize how old ,
miserably lonely, and creepy you are. You are oddly okay with these things.
Then the lights go down and you get excited for the best part. The previews! Psyche!
Just kidding. They have replaced most of them with straight commercials now.
The commercials end and the lights come on and you donate a quarter to The
Jimmy Fund. Even though it’s all you have, the usher still glares at you for
your small donation. The previews start and oh my god it’s another Tyler Perry
movie! Shoot me now. Finally the movie starts. Awesome! This is what I’ve been waiting
for. Until some middle school kid thinking he is tough for sneaking into an
R-Rated movie starts talking. He thinks he’s funny but no one else does. He
doesn’t get it and talks the whole way through the movie. Finally the movie
ends and you are highly disappointed. You want your 150 dollars back but we all
know that is gone forever. At the end of all that….was it worth it? Then I decided….yes,
yes it is. I love going to the movies and I think I will go again soon. Good
talks guys. Good talk.
I know I’m going to receive
some heat for this blog but quite frankly I don’t give a damn. Sitting here
eating my breakfast this morning I decided that breakfast is in fact the worst
meal of the day. I know a shit load of people are bat shit crazy about
breakfast but I don’t get it. What’s so great about breakfast? Eggs? Eggs are
fucking nasty and they come with just about every breakfast meal. How do people
even like eggs? They look gross. They taste gross. They smell gross. Eggs
literally do not have one redeeming quality. Breakfast sucks! Lunch is totally
where it’s at. Lunch is so good because it has the possibility of combining both
breakfast and dinner. Why anyone would want to have breakfast more than once a
day is past me but lunch at least gives you that gateway. You want eggs? Go
for it. It’s lunch. You want sausage? Throw it on some bread and boom you got
lunch. Want chicken parm but don’t want to wait for dinner? Boom! Lunch has got
your back! Ever have chicken parm for breakfast? Didn’t think so. “Yea but
without breakfast we wouldn’t have bacon!” Let’s pretend for a minute that if
breakfast never existed that bacon wouldn’t be in existence. I always thought
bacon kind of got the shaft. I feel as if it is so good that they made it a
breakfast food to make eggs look better. “You want these eggs? No? Because they
are disgusting? Well it comes with this delicious bacon! Oh now you want two
plates?!” Bacon was made a breakfast food so more people would eat breakfast.
Bacon belongs in lunch and everyone knows it. Bacon totally got the shaft and
will forever be linked with breakfast. Fuck you breakfast! You ruined bacons
life.
“ At 10 years
old, Flynn McGarry became sick
of the meals his mother cooked for him. So, the Los Angeles native took matters
into his own hands and started making his own dinners. One of his specialities?
Trout with braised leeks, caramelized fennel and wild fennel fronds.
Now 13, the budding chef
is being hailed as a "food prodigy" and will spend his summer
apprenticing some of the best chefs at LA's hippest restaurants, MSNBC Nightly News reports.
His passion has now taken over his life -- and his bedroom. Flynn's room
has been converted into a full-service kitchen with a small bed in the corner.
And once a month, his entire home is turned into a pop-up restaurant for which
Flynn is the star chef.
Flynn isn't the only talented young prodigy to recently astound experts in
his field. At just 17 years old, physicist Taylor Wilson is already
teaching graduate-level courses in
physics and has built a functioning nuclear reactor. And 12-year-old app developer
Thomas Suarez (the brains
behind Bustin Jieber, and sever other popular apps) has already given a TED
talk about his work and been recognized with prestigious industry awards.”-(Credit:
HuffPost
)
This kid is a total prick. I just want to knock the
spatula right out of his fucking hand. “I don’t think big name chefs use
spatulas too often….” Fuck off it’s the only cooking utensil I could think of.
Listen, do you see how this kid got into cooking? He didn’t like the meals his
mom cooked him. Ungrateful prick. I’m sure she just LOVED cooking for a snot
nosed kid like you who wouldn’t even look at the food she provided for you.
Asshole. You know his mom got so fed up she said something like “You don’t like
my cooking? Fine let’s see you do better!” Then the kid breaks out his fucking
trout specialty like he’s the man. I can’t stand this fucking kid. “Oh look at
me! I make Trout with braised leeks, caramelized fennel, and wild fennel fronds”Really dude? Two types of Fennel in
your specialty? HA! What a joke this kid is! 2 Fennels? That’s pretty gross. “Do
you even know what fennel is?” Something you carry your dogs in…. “That’s a
kennel” Whatever dude. Does it look like I give a shit? “Oh look at me! I’m
Flynn McGarry! I know what fennel is! Laddy da! Let me just make you food with
my ginger hands! My room is a kitchen now! I’m going to spend my whole summer
working in high stress kitchens!” Yea. That should be a killer summer. Have fun
dude. Fucking loser. Must not have any friends at all. “You guys wanna come
over and have some trout with braised leeks, caramelized fennel, and wild
fennel fronds?” “Nah my mom ordered pizza. I’m grateful for the food my parents
provide me.” He really is the most unimpressive prodigy on the list though. All
of them must be sitting around the prodigy convention just talking about how
awesome they are. “I teach graduate level classes and I built a nuclear reactor….what
is your talent?” “ I can cook fish pretty good…..” HA! What a loser!
So as we all know the NBA draft is
tonight and everyone is excited to see how everything will unfold.Everyone and their mother has an opinion
about who will take who , which teams will trade up, which teams will trade
down but quite frankly I don’t really care what other people are projecting.
“Oh great here comes a pathetic attempt at a mock draft ”. Calm down , I don’t
care about who the fucking Bobcats take with the 2ndpick or if the Cavaliers will trade the 4th
pick.I care about one team and one team
only…. The Milwaukee Bucks!Fear the
Deer Baby! Ok now that we got that lame fake twist out of the way I am going to
talk about the top 5 players I would like to see the Celtics take with their
two first round picks.
1.Terrence JonesSF/PF (Kentucky)-Jones is a very athletic forward with a ton
of upside. He needs to work on his jumper but he is very explosive when going
to the rim. I like his skills on the offensive and defensive side of the ball
and his versatility to play the 3 or 4. I think he benefited by staying for his
sophomore year at Kentucky and he would be a great addition to this Celtics
squad.
2.Royce White SF (Iowa State)- Royce is an extremely talented but raw
prospect and word on the street is the C’s love this guy. White loves to attack
the rim and has good body size to bang down low in the paint. What I like about
this guy is he is a very gifted ball handler and passer for a bigger guy. He
has great court awareness and makes people around him better.He is a pretty bad free throw shooter which
always frustrates me with NBA players ( I’m looking at you Rajon)At 6’8 he isn’t exactly the height the Celts
are looking for but I would like to see this guy in green and white next
season.
3.Arnett Moultrie PF (Miss. State)- A 6’11
forward who runs like a gazelle and is explosive around the rim. I like this
guy for both his size and his athleticism. Moultrie needs to develop his post
skills more but has good range with his shot and is a good rebounder on both
sides of the ball. One thing Moultrie would need to work on is his shot
blocking ability but he is still very young and with the right guidance I am
not too concerned. I really like athletic forwards and this guy fits the mold.
4.Andrew Nicholson PF (St.Bonn)- Nicholson
has decent size at 6’10 but plays much bigger than his height.Andrew is another fast big who moves well
without the ball to get himself/others open.He has a great shot for a big guy and has a nice touch from 3-point
land. Nicholson was very good at running the pick and roll/pop which will
translate nicely playing with a PG like Rondo.Andrew has a knack for putting the ball in the hoop and he put up good
scoring numbers throughout his college career.
5.Fab Melo C (Syracuse) -Drafting Melo in the low twenties might be a
bit of a reach but the Celtics could really use a guy with his size. Melo was
the Big East Defensive Player of the Year and he really made a name for himself
as a shot blocker. I love him on the
defensive end but his game is pretty much non-existent on the offensive side of
the ball.It worries me that he is a
below average rebounder for someone his size and he is a bit of a knucklehead
but you can’t teach size and being around Garnett (hopefully) could help
improve these weaknesses.
The Guy’s Prediction: Royce White & Andrew
Nicholson
And it caused hell for
Peter Bauer who, armed with a .38-caliber handgun, allegedly spent his Tuesday
morning running from and shooting at Croatians. Imaginary Croatians.
The Orlando Sentinel reported that the
61-year-old man was arrested while hiding between two cars in
Palm Coast, Fl., and holding a pistol.
Bauer also reportedly copped to firing four shots at the non-existent
Eastern Europeans, and even got cut at some point while running from them.”-(Credit:
HuffPost
)
I think the cops have bigger problems to worry about than
61 year old men hopped up on coke and carrying a pistol. They have Croatians
running rampant in the streets terrorizing the elderly! “How did I know you
were going to side with this guy?” Listen, I don’t know about you but my
personal experience with the elderly is they speak their mind. They are some of
the most honest people out there. If you’re fat then they will tell you you’re
fat. If you’re dumb they will tell you you’re dumb. If there are Croatians
running around terrorizing them then they are going to get a gun and shoot
those motherfuckers. Elderly people are just the bluntest people out there. The
elderly speak their minds! “I don’t even know if you can count someone who is
61 as an elderly person….” The point I’m trying to make here is this…this man
is cut. He’s tired. He’s worn out. He said he was attacked by Croatians, so I’m
going to assume he was. I wasn’t there. I don’t know what really happened but
this guy has never lied to me before. Who are you to call him a liar? I mean he
does have a cut on his chin. How else would a coked up old man get a cut on his
face other than getting attacked by Croatians? Huh? Yea. That’s what I thought.
Now get your asses out there and find those fucking Croatians before the cut
more elderly chins!
“Jennifer Lawrence followed in
the footsteps of Mila Kunis and Dustin Hoffman when she
became the latest celebrity Good Samaritan for a person in need Monday evening.
The "Hunger Games" actress was walking her dog in front of her Santa
Monica, Calif., apartment
building when she spotted a teenage woman collapsed outside of the complex and
rushed to aid her.
"[Lawrence] was
walking her dog when she saw the juvenile. She stood by as a Good Samaritan
until offers
arrived and spoke with them," Santa Monica Police Sgt. Richard Lewis told the New York Daily News.”-(Credit: HuffPost
)
First off don’t use the term “teenage woman”…use the term
teenager. You sound like an idiot when you say teenage woman. “Hello this is my
child woman. She’s four.” Yea, it doesn’t work. Moving on. The big story here
isn’t the fact that Jennifer Lawrence is a generally good person. The big story
here isn’t the fact that she saved someone’s life. The big story here isn’t the fact that she
cares about people other than herself. None of those things are the big story. The
big story is the fact that Jennifer Lawrence wants me back something fierce.
What’s that? You don’t believe me? You
don’t think it’s odd that she saves someone’s life mere weeks after I confessed
my love for Emma Watson? You don’t think it’s weird that she is clearly
trying to show me that she is not only hot as shit but also has a very kind
soul? “ You live in a fantasy world!” Oh yea? Then why is she bent over in a
sexy pose so I can see down her shirt? Huh? Obviously she is trying to show off
the goods. “It appears she is trying to give the poor girl CPR” Giving the poor
girl CPR? Or giving me some hot girl on girl? I don’t know dude. All seems kind
of suspicious to me. I think it’s pretty obvious that she wants me back and I
have to say I’m a bit disappointed in her. Using cheap tactics like this to try
and get me back? I have to say Jennifer, I’m a little disappointed in you. I
mean I’m way turned on by you…..but definitely a little disappointed in you…..but
I dig it…..here’s my number call me maybe….is that still funny?
Let
me start this off by saying that I know Starbucks is far from new.That in no way changes my story. So I’ve been
having people tell me how much better Starbucks is than Dunkin’s left and right
as of late. “Oh The Guy you have to try Starbucks!” “Starbucks is gods gift to
earth” “I drank Starbucks once and I instantly got pregnant….wasn’t even mad
about it” You know my reply to them? AS IF (Totally bringing that phrase back
by the way) I’m Dunkin’s through and through. That was until last night. I was
driving home and I was getting a bit sleepy. So I figured it would probably be
a safe idea to get a cup of coffee. The thing is….the only thing near me was a
Starbucks. I figured I might as well try it out and see why people are hyping
it. I walk in and I see they have four sizes. I don’t know their names but I figured
they were equivalent to small, medium, large, and extra-large. Since I’m a
badassI don’t use their lingo when I order it. I say “medium ice coffee
regular bizzzzznitch” The dude hands me what I perceive as a shot glass, three
fourths filled with coffee BLACK, and a cover. Not shaken I say “Oh…I wanted it
regular” Homeboy then points to a table that contains milk and sugar and asks
me for $2.65! I pay less for more coffee at Dunkins! And they mix in my cream
and sugar! $2.65 for half an ice coffee….and you expect me to mix it myself?
What is this? Communist China? “Joke still doesn’t fit.” Not to mention they
have the audacity to have a tip cup! A tip cup? “Thanks for pouring your subpar
coffee into a cup. Here’s a dollar” AS IF! My point is I will never return to
Starbucks again and I apologize to Dunkin’s for ever doubting them. I hope you
can forgive me
“If your mouth has ever
watered and your stomach has ever grumbled just from eyeing a picture of a big
slice of cheesecake, here's your explanation: Just looking at pictures of fattening foods is enough to make us
hungry, a new study
shows.
Research presented at the
annual meeting of the Endocrine Society shows that seeing high-calorie items
stimulates the appetite control center, which then makes us crave food. “-(Credit:
HuffPost
)
And today
in shit no one needed scientific research to understand: Looking at food makes
you hungry. Really? That is some truly stellar research you got going here. I’m
sure the president of whatever college you work at is really please with that
grant money he gave you to do this research. I really need to know what are
some of the other ground breaking studies you have lined up next? “Research shows
that ingesting said fast food makes you overweight” “Research shows a link
between fat people and bigger pants” “Research shows the less you wash your
hair, the dirtier it gets” “Research shows the black socks actually DO get
dirty” “Research shows a link between bananas and banana bread” Seriously! Who
the fuck is giving people money for these surveys? Research shows that looking
at food makes you hungry? Yea no fucking shit bro. Looking at puke makes me
sick. Where’s my grant? I just proved me theory. Are scientist choosing cake
walk theories just to collect money without doing real work? I swear every day I
see another new pointless study just thrown in my face. Come on scientists solve
something worthwhile. Global warming is a thing….maybe you could do something
with that? What do you say? Huh? “Research shows looking at food makes you
hungry” PAH! That’s fucking pathetic.
Can someone
please help The Guy out here? I must have watched this trailer 10 times over
and I still have no idea what’s it about. People are calling it “The funniest
movie of the year” but I’m not seeing any funny parts. I can’t really follow
the trailer. Like I get that they are Dutch. This much is obvious. I get that the
Dutch Forrest Gump is always in his underwear, always getting hit, always
getting humped, and is always yelling “BO!?” I have reason to believe that the
child in this film is in fact the infamous Bo but that’s all I got. Why is this
guy always in his underwear? Why does everyone hate him so much? How can a man
hated so much get humped so often? Why is Bo always missing? Why are they
Dutch? There are so many unanswered questions that I don’t know what to do with
myself. Is his funny? Is this not funny? Is my American brain too small to pick
up on Dutch humor or are they all just fucking weird as shit over there? CAN
SOMEONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOME PLOT DETAILS! Can you Ky Guys and Girls help
me out here? Am I the only one who doesn’t get what’s going on? My brain hurts…
(TV's Patrick Duffy didn't make the list but come on! Look at that hair!)
So I happened
upon a list of top dads in TV and movies on IMDB and I have to say I had tears
in my eyes. Not because it was moving or anything but because it was probably
the worst list of TV/ Movie dads ever compiled. Okay, maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.
It did have Harry Morgan, Coach Taylor, and a few others that I agreed with but
most of them were just god awful. Nemo’s dad? Really? He can’t even keep track
of his kid! So I went ahead and listed my top 5 TV dads.
Honorable
Mention) Jonathan Turner- Given he wasn’t really a father but most of
the fathers on my list weren’t actual fathers. Mr. Turner took Shawn Hunter
under his wing when he needed him most. Plus he had the best hair on TV since TV’s
Patrick Duffy.
5.) Jack
Arnold- I mean yea he’s a pretty big asshole but he is trying to teach
his kids lessons and they never want to listen. His daughter Karen was a whore.
His oldest son Wayne was an asshole. His younger son Kevin over thought
EVERYTHING! How can you not get a littler angry from time to time? He was there
when they needed him right?
4.) Uncle Phil- Father of
4 children of his own, he was faced with the challenge of raising his nephew from West Philadelphia
as well. He was there for Will more than his own dad. He loved him in his own
way. He always looked out for him.When Wills
asshole dad Lou tried to desert Will without a word, Phil used his big powerful
voice to put him back in his place with a thundering “ I SAID SIT DOWN LOU!”
Very emotional episode. VERY emotional
3.) Frank
Reynolds- He is a piss poor father……but he’s hilarious. That’s all.
2.) Alan
Matthews- I mean how could I not include Alan? Golden boxing gloves? Squirt
gun fight? Never settle? “He who drives last….fills the car with gas”? All life
lessons Alan bestowed upon his children. He wasn’t just there for his own
children but he was there for that Hunter boy. If it wasn’t for him, Shawn may
still be under the trance of Mr.Mack. Yea I went there.
1.) George
Feeny- Yup. I’m going to go ahead and list Feeny as the number one father
figure from TV. No he didn’t have any children of his own but he raised Corey,
Shawn, Eric, and Topanga as his own. Who did all of them save the last good bye
for before they left for New York? Not their actual parents…..George Feeny.
George Feeny got the last good bye. Strange? Not one bit my friend…..not one
bit.
P.S. Yea this list is heavily Boy Meets World favored....so what? Sue me.
“Visitors
view Michael Heizer’s "Levitated Mass" at the Los Angeles County
Museum of Art in Los Angeles, on Sunday June 24,2012. Thousands showed up as
the gigantic work was unveiled on the museum’s rear lawn, where it is intended
to remain forever. (AP Photo/Richard Vogel)”-(Credit: Yahoo
)
This has
got to be the worst tourist attraction I have ever seen.“Hey you guys want to go stand under a boulder?” Fuck no. Not even
remotely. Why? Because it’s fucking boring. “You don’t think it’s cool being
under something that weighs that much?” Umm you ever been under a bridge? They
do the same thing except some of them are visually pleasing to look at and they
serve an actual purpose. This on the other hand? Not even remotely. It looks
like an accident. It looks like there was a land slide and somehow this boulder
got jammed on a walk way. If anything people should be concerned. If I’ve said
it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. You can’t trust rocks. I’m sorry but I just
don’t trust massive boulders hanging over my head. I just don’t. Boulders as
just sitting there ready to crush you. I don’t care how secure they may appear,
they are out to get you. You ever seen 127
Hours? Homeboy thought those rocks were all secure….flash forward 127 hours
and BOOM! He’s cutting off his own fucking arm. You think that dudes visiting
the “Levitated Mass”? Not a chance in hell. He knows better. You can’t trust
rocks. You just can’t.
Side note…..is
this another time where I’m completely out of touch with the art world or is
this just not art? A giant boulder being supported by a walk way? That’s art?
How so? Fucking artists dude. I just don’t get them for the life of me.
So I stumbled upon an article today. HuffPost
had a nice little write up about famous people who dropped out of college. The
list includes people like Mark Zuckerburg, Russell Simons, Brad Pitt, Steve
Jobs, Oprah, Bill Gates, and Ralph Lauren. All people from different aspects of
the world just having crazy success after dropping out of school. Each and every
one of the people on that list are millionaires if not billionaires! So I guess
that means that dropping out of college is the key to success. It’s the only
way to go. I’ve been going about it all wrong. I got a degree. Now I’m poor.
They didn’t get a degree and they are rich. It seems so simple now. There is
only one way to be successful. It isn’t going to college. It isn’t not going to
college. It’s a mixture. It’s a grab bag! It’s a hybrid! In order to succeed
you MUST go to college then drop out. You have to go and log a couple years of
the college life style then dump it like a bad habit.I can’t believe I graduated college. What a
sucker! You think it’s too late for me? You think I could go back to school and
then drop out and becomes a millionaire? Anything’s possible right? KG told me
so. Remember kids, it’s never too late to drop out of college. You heard it here
first! Then again Madonna, Kanye West, and Lady Gaga were all on that list as
well………Maybe I should rethink this theory.
“The more we
study animals, the less special we seem.
Baboons
can distinguish between written words and gibberish. Monkeys seem to be able to
do multiplication. Apes can delay instant gratification longer than a human
child can. They plan ahead. They make war and peace. They show empathy. They
share”-(Credit: Yahoo
)
This is not good. This is not
good at all. First they start identifying words and multiplying. Then they start
communicating and making allies with other monkeys. Then they start making
plans. Then they learn our language. Then they start to take over the world! It
happens all the time. Look at the female race. First we let them speak. Then we
let them have careers. Then we let them vote. Now look at them! They are trying
to run for president! Are we going to let monkeys take a similar path?! “Did
you REALLY just liken women to monkeys? Do you ever plan on getting laid again?”
Oh I’m sorry, am I not supposed to speak the truth anymore? Isn’t this America?
I thought this was America! Moral of the story is this, apes are going to take
over the world if we keep educating them. I’ve seen it happen a million times
(in movies….and by million I mean like 4ish times). Have you not seen any of Planet of the Apes movies? Did Mark Wahlberg teach us nothing?
Huh? What would James Franco think? We need to stop the apes while we still
can! I refuse to live in a world where flinging poo at each other is an
acceptable way of settling an argument! I refuse! It’s time to take our world
back! Who’s with me! Come on people! It’s time to end women’s suffrage!....sorry
got a bit off track there…..happy Monday Ky Girls. The Guy loves you…I really
do.
“"The Voice"
host used to bring his pet kitty, Purrfect, to the set, where the pretty white
feline would sit on his lap and soak up camera time. She became a star on the
Internet with her own Twitter account.
But now Cee Lo has dumped Purrfect for a new sidekick: a
beautiful pink Moluccan cockatoo named Lady. She'll make her debut on the NBC
talent show's third season. Auditions began taping last week.
"Lady's name says it all," Cee Lo tells People mag.
"She's my little lady with a big opinion. Sometimes whispers
inappropriateness in my ear, but always ladylike."
Moluccan cockatoos are known to be social and gentle and very
smart. But Green's new pet worries Born Free, an
animal rights group.
The group says that the birds don't make the greatest of pets
because they're given to self-mutilation; they pluck themselves.
"Moluccan cockatoos are beautiful, intelligent animals but
they are very challenging to care for especially in the long term, and are
prone to considerable welfare problems," a rep for the group tells TMZ.
“Many parrot rescues are already filled to capacity with
moluccans and other large parrots. I encourage “The Voice” to reconsider
featuring a moluccan cockatoo or any bird as a 'pet' on the show and instead
promote a more appropriate companion animal such as a dog. Even better, they
could feature a rescue dog or a dog in need of a home." ”-(Credit: Kansascity.com
)
Is there a
more annoying group of people on the planet than animal rights activists? Hey
Born Free….PETA called they want their everything back. You think NBC gives a
shit what kind of animal Cee Lo Green has? Doubtful. They just need the
ratings. They will give him a pet tiger if that would gain them viewers. They
don’t give a shit about animal’s rights. “Many parrot rescues
are already filled to capacity with moluccans and other large parrots. I
encourage “The Voice” to reconsider featuring a moluccan cockatoo or any bird
as a 'pet' on the show and instead promote a more appropriate companion animal
such as a dog. Even better, they could feature a rescue dog or a dog in need of
a home." Here’s
an idea….maybe you guys can mind your own fucking business. It’s not like Cee
Lo is going to get rid of it as a pet if he can’t have it on the show. Either
way it’s fucked. Might as well get famous in the meantime. At least it can die
rich. It’s an awesome life plan. Just ask Lindsay Lohan. What is the shelf life
on Lindsay Lohan jokes? Are they still funny? I’m over it. I think if people
should be concerned about anything it’s Cee Lo Greens mental state. You see
that quote from him? "She's my
little lady with a big opinion. Sometimes whispers inappropriateness in my ear,
but always ladylike." I mean it’s great that you have comes to terms
with dying alone but if I were you, I wouldn’t be actively pursuing the option.
Maybe tone down the crazy just a bit. There will be plenty of time for you to
talk solely to animals when your music career is over. Plus talking to animals
is never a good look. You know who used to talk to animals? Michael Jackson. Yea.
We all saw how well that panned out.
Tomorrow morning I travel to a
place very near and dear to some of my closest friends. They travel to this destination
every year and every year they have a blast. I have watched on with a vigilant
eye and listened to their tales of such a day. Since then I have been patiently
waiting in the wings waiting for them to invite me to join. When they didn’t I
had to step up, be a man, and say “Yo dudes I want in on Buffettthis year.”Yup. Tomorrow I’m going to a Jimmy Buffett concert and I couldn’t be
more pumped. Should be a blast to say the least. In honor of that I present to
you this weekend’s inspiration: “Cheeseburger In Paradise” by the one and only
Jimmy Buffett! Have a good weekend everyone!
I know I
wrote a blog yesterday trashing sequels to movies. I know that today I’m
writing a blog that praises a sequel to a movie but this is different. It’s an
action movie. Not a comedy. A comedy movie is plot driven. The characters have
to develop and have chemistry. Taken 2
on the other hand? Not so much. I’m pretty sure the movie executives walked
into the meeting and were like “ His daughter gets taken again and Liam Neeson
kill 30 people with his bare hands.” “ It can’t be the same plot as the last
one!” “His daughter and his ex-wife get taken this time?....and Liam Neeson
kills 40 people?” “ You son of a bitch! You got yourself a deal!” Say what you
want but this movie is going to kick ass and I’m going to see it 30 times. If
you agree with me then great. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you.
If you don’t agree with me then I will look for you, I will find you, and I
will kill you. Not really. I’m far too lazy for that but you get what I mean.
And now Oracle's Larry Ellison has a Hawaiian
island.
The tech giant has bought the Hawaiian island
of Lanai, the governor of the 50th state said.”-(Credit: Yahoo
)
I really hate
to be “that guy” but buying an island? Really dude? Is that supposed to impress
me? Yawn. People buy islands all the time so this really doesn’t impress me. Is
buying islands even cool? I mean it used to be. Not so much anymore. Everyone
has islands now-a-days. Even Tyler Perry. If Tyler Perry is doing it…..then it’s
not that cool. It’s like this time in middle school when everyone was way into
pogs. Pogs everywhere you fucking looked. Then walked in smelly Eric Schmidt
with a whole bag of pogs and suddenly no one wanted to play pogs anymore. Pogs
used to be cool until Eric Schmidt got his own set. He was that big of a loser
that he completely ruined pogs for everyone! Tyler Perry has totaly Eric
Schmidt’d islands for every billionaire out there. Buying Islands is no longer
the cool thing to do. It’s all about space stations now. You want to be cool?
You want to edgy? Build a space station like it aint no thang. Do it while you
still can because before you know it, Tyler Perry is going to be Eric
Schmidting space stations too. It’s only a matter of time my friends. It’s only
a matter of time.
P.S. I’m totally making “Eric Schmidting” a thing now.
I’m going to
start this off by saying this video is 250% fake. There is absolutely no way it
is real. Want to know why I know it’s fake? The sound quality is far too good.
It’s choreographed far too well and everyone seems to be enjoying it. There is no
way it is real but just for moment I will entertain the idea. Let’s just
imagine for a minute that this is an actual wedding. I got some words for the
groom. Run. Run fast. Run far. Get the fuck out of there because this bitch is
tapped.Is there a crazier thing to do
than to sing yourself down the aisle? Nope. Not in this country. I think he
notices it too. Look at his expression at the 35 second mark. His face clearly
reads “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?” Yea dude. You need to get out
why you still can. You shoulda throat chopped the bitch when she was hitting one
of those high notes. It’s only going to get worse from here. First she’s
singing down the aisle. Then she starts collecting dolls. Then before you know
it, it’s 65 years later and you guys are working in a flower shop together and
wearing matching
outfits every fucking day! Is that what you want man? HUH? Didn’t fucking
think so! Want me best advice? Get out now.
“Canadian
progressive house producer Deadmau5 (real name: Joel Zimmerman) isn't done
bashing Madonna. Back in March, Zimmerman called Madge a "f---ing idiot" after she made a
thinly veiled reference to ecstasy use at the Ultra Music
Festival. Though they
sort of made up (Madonna made the unbelievable argument that she was
referring to an unpopular house song, not to the drug widely associated with
electronic dance
music festivalgoers, and Zimmerman backed off), a new Rolling
Stone article may have re-ignited the feud. "You
can't to be 'hip' and 'cool' and 'funky grandma'?" Zimmerman said.
"Fine. It's not my place to say you're irrelevant. If you're going to come
into my world, at least do it with a little more dignity."”-(Credit: HuffPost
) Preach brotha! Preach! Just go away Madonna. You suck.
Have a little class here. Age gracefully. Stop trying to be sexy. It isn’t
working. No matter how many times you flash your old woman tits or your ass….it
isn’t going to stop time. You are still going to age….and bitch you old as
fuck. BE OLD AS FUCK! Stop trying to stay young. You aren’t fooling anyone. You’re just
embarrassing yourself. You aren’t the only one. There are a whole slew of old
women who are trying to be part of the young hip scene. I can think of a few
right now. Do you think that Madonna, J.Lo, Kris Jenner, and Demi Moore all get
together and go clubbing? Like they walk around bars and clubs thinking they
are still hot and when the young people laugh in their face they think they are
laughing with them? They aren’t. They are laughing at you. They are laughing at
your old, old ass. Yes, the same one you showed on stage. That one. How old are
you now? Like 50? You aren’t hip and you aren’t sexy. You’re old. Just be old.
Stop embarrassing yourself. Someday you are going to look around you and go “holy
shit. I’m the oldest person here by at least 30 years. That’s sad” You know
what’s even sadder? That you will follow it up by saying “Yea sad that I’m
still the hottest one” because you don’t get it. Hate to break it to you but no
one cares. No one cares about Madonna anymore. And make no mistake about it, no
one, AND I MEAN NO ONE wants to see 50 year old woman nipple. Gross. I’m gonna
have nightmares just thinking about it…..*shudder* P.S. Oh and BTW your new music sucks worse
than your old music and your old music was pretty fucking terrible. Throw
yourself off a bridge. Like TheGuy on facebook and follow KyGuyInc on twitterRead more...
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