Blah blah blah…..boring stuff about me scanning the internet. Some idiotic sentence about me “hitting the usual sites because that’s what I do”. Stupid explanation about how I’ve had a lot of jobs and how sometimes it doesn’t work out. A long drawn out, round-about way, of mentioning how I found this list on Yahoo about how to know if your job is in danger. A stupid joke about how these lists are dumb and not to follow them but I just had to read it anyway. Another stupid joke about how the stuff on this list is obvious and any idiot would know this. A final stupid joke insulting Yahoo and their writers before going into my segway into the blog which goes a little something like this. With all this being said The Guy really wants to help you guys out with figuring out when/if your job is in danger. A few tips to see what to look for if you are fearing for your job. So without further ado here is The Guys Guide To Knowing If Your Ass Is Getting Fired.
1.) Co-Workers Stop Talking To You- This is ,of course, assuming they talked to you in the first place. If they talked to you before they will stop talking to you know. Your ass is toast because you are an idiot. To further this point, you are literally the only person who doesn’t know your ass is about to get fired. People don’t want to be fired by association so they will stop talking to you.
2.) You Stop Getting Invited To Company Parties- You ever walk into the break room and find your entire office having cake for a co-workers birthday and they all stop what they are doing and stare at you as if you just released an earth shattering fart? Yea well that isn’t a mistake. They didn’t forget to invite you. They literally had to go into the office email list and remove your name in hopes you won’t hear rumblings of this party from someone else. Make no mistake, they don’t want you there. Your ass is getting fired. They don’t want you in company pictures enjoying fun parties with people they actually like.
3.) They Stop Giving You Work To Do- At some point you are just going to stop receiving work. “Must be a slow month” You will think. Don’t be fooled. There is plenty of work to go around but they simply cannot trust you to do it (correctly anyway). They will give your work to someone else (who probably also hates you) until they can hire someone to replace your lazy ass. You might as well clean out your desk because your days there are numbered.
4.) Peoples Body Language- You ever wonder why your boss says good morning to everyone but not to you? Let me elaborate. Like he comes in and says “Morning Jess!” “Morning Frank” He gets to you and simply says “Bill” acknowledging you are there but he doesn’t seem pleased. Then he finished it off with “Morning Eric” Eric? I thought you said Eric gave you the creeps (hoping people get this reference) No one likes Eric. Yea….that is true but people like you even less. Start applying other places.
5.) They Give Your Desk Away- This is the final send off. One day you come into the office and someone is sitting at your desk. They will probably be doing the work you failed so miserably at doing yourself. Make no mistake about it. No mistake has been made. He didn’t sit at the wrong desk accidentally. This has been planned for months. The second you left the day before, the HR department went at your desk like a spider monkey. Just whipping clean any remnants of you imaginable. It’s like you were never there. Where is your stuff? It’s packed in boxes near your new desk…..which is the table in the break room. Hey at least this way you know about the company parties…unless they move them to a different room.
These are 5 signs that you are in fact getting fired. To be honest with you though……if you think you are going to get fired…..odds are you are probably right…so I would just kind of expect it….sorry.
P.S. Save the “you should be fired for your spelling and grammar” comments for someone who gives a shit.