So I had a bunch of people tell me to write about the Giant Lego man washing up onshore in Florida. So I was reading up on it on ABCNews and I must tell you what I have to say might frighten you. Now upon reading up on it I see that numerous Giant Lego men have been washing up onshore in various places around the world. Strange. Very Strange. They all have the same message written on their shirts “No Real Than You Are” Yea I know, it makes no sense to people with small brains like you. The Guy on the other hand is gifted with having a larger brain than most of you. This message very clearly means you may think I’m fake but I’m real and when the time is right we are taking over this world bitches. That’s right, giant Lego men are taking over the world. “That sounds like a bad horror movie The Guy!” Yea except for the fact it is fucking happening. Explain to me how this happened if that’s not the case? The Lego people have had it. For years the man has been making them do whatever he wants against their will. “I don’t want to live in a poorly shapened castle” Too bad you’re fucking living there! “Please don’t rip my head off!” Oops already did. “Why am I in a pink shirt? I’m a man!” Don’t care! They are sick of being bullied so they have evolved to being 8 feet tall. They aren’t stopping there either. They are only growing bigger and soon they will be big enough to use us as toys.
That’s right the Lego’s are taking over our world just as we did to theirs. Pretty soon we will be configured and put in positions that don’t come naturally! Soon we will be left standing in the same position for hours on end! They will take our heads off and put them on other torsos and our torsos on other people legs! The Lego’s have had it and now we must be destroyed like we did to their people. Giant Lego dudes just going up to people saying stuff like “Oh lovely house you have here. Lovely walls. All the houses you built me didn’t have any walls so I’m just gonna take those. Come to think of it, all the houses you built me didn’t have a roof either so I’m gonna take that too. Don’t move from this upright postion until I’m ready to play with you again or I’ll rip your head off” Who do we have to blame here but ourselves? We have enslaved Lego’s for this long it was only a matter of time until they rebelled. Don’t believe me? Soon enough one of the police officers is going to be found murdered. He will be found standing up right with his leg propped up in a ridiculous fashion as if he is walking around the station emphatically. He will also be wearing a giant plastic hat. Why you ask? I don’t know but it’s going to happen.Then what? I won’t seem so crazy then! The Guy is trying to warn you now. They only way you’ll have a chance of saving yourself is if you start treating your Lego’s with respect! Ask them where they want to live. Ask them what they want to eat. Ask them what they want as their job. “The Guy, they think some artist did it as a stunt. What about that?” He’s in on the conspiracy. The Lego men are obviously holding him captive. Come on people. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PLASTIC!
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