Friday, October 12, 2012

“The Alphabet Song” By Mr. ABC Is This Weekends Inspiration. (Warning: Graphic Language)


                Well the time has come yet again to inspire you Ky Guys for the weekend. Each and every single week I bring you the latest in the most inspirational songs on the internet. I can’t count the number of times someone has come up to me and said “Hey The Guy! I love the weekend inspiration. The songs are always good but do you think you have anything for some who doesn’t really know their ABC’s but also likes offensive material?” Why yes, yes I do. Without further ado I present this weekend’s inspiration. This weekend’s inspiration is “the alphabet song” by Mr. ABC. I do have to warn you that it does feature some offensive language so I wouldn’t go watching it at work….not without head phones anyway. Now go out, sing your abcs, drink some beer, and have a good old time. Stay safe and I’ll see you all Monday. I’m gonna fuck you up!



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Is This Movie Gonna Be Good?




             So today’s movie is The Canyons. It’s a film written by Bret Easton Ellis and is starring Lindsay Lohan and James Deen. Yes, that’s James Deen the porn star not to be confused with James Dean the long deceased movie icon who actually had talent. So I’m not really sure what it’s about yet again. The trailer leads me to believe that maybe it has something to do with the porn world? It says something about sex and murder….which I’ve come to expect from Bret Easton Ellis…..Since it’s written by Bret Easton Ellis I kind of expect graphic sex and gross murders….that’s just the way it is. I don’t know if it was just a really shitty trailer but this movie looks bad. Like really bad. The only reason I posted it is because it stars a porn star and I think that’s funny. I mean if Lohan gets naked that could be cool. I’d see it for that. Even then I would probably just wait for the dvd. I don’t know. I don’t have high hopes for this movie. What do you guys think? Is this movie going to be good or should Lindsay make The Parent Trap 2: Seriously The Lohan Parents Are A Mess. (Yes I will probably make fake sequel names every week from now on. You’re welcome).

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Kelloggs Makes Man Cereal


“Time to put a hold on those jokes about not having enough iron in your diet. Kellogg's is recalling 2.8 million boxes of its popular Mini-Wheats, both frosted and unfrosted, after a snafu left fragments of metal mesh in some packages. The recall involves boxes of all sizes with a use-by date between April 1 and Sept. 21 of 2013. No injuries or illnesses have been reported yet due to contaminated cereal, but the company is likely to take a $30 million hit, on top of $100 million it's already spent this year to fix supply chain issues. Good thing we can still count on bacon for breakfast.”-(Credit: MSN )

                I see what you are doing here Mini-Wheat’s. As is my style, instead of just coming out and saying what my theory is, I’m going to make a long winded response instead. “Oh Joy” Before the dawn of time men were being men. They would wrestle wildebeests to the ground and drink their blood as nourishments. They would throw boulders at each other for fun. When they weren’t drinking the blood of their enemies, they would only drink Bud heavy’s. No water, no milk, just straight American Budweiser’s. Then as time went on people got less manly. They would buy wildebeest at the super market. They would drink low fat lattes and soy drinks. However, there is one thing they wouldn’t do. They wouldn’t eat Mini-Wheats. They had to draw the line somewhere. So what did Mini-Wheats do? They tried a new, manlier recipe. They took out all the middle men. Just wheat and cold hard steel. The two basic man food groups….but it was too late. Men were too unmanly to eat straight steel….that and consuming steel will lead to your untimely death. I know. Crazy. So they had to pull it from the shelves….but not before The Guy could buy 100 boxes of it. Now if you’ll excuse me. I have manly things to attend to. Good day.

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No I Didn’t Watch The VP Debate….But It Did See These Awesome Paul Ryan Work Out Pictures


Sen. Paul Ryan in his workout gear as photographed for TIME magazine (© Gregg Segal)

Sen. Paul Ryan in his workout gear as photographed for TIME magazine (© Gregg Segal)
Sen. Paul Ryan in his workout gear as photographed for TIME magazine (© Gregg Segal)
“Time magazine has a keen sense of timing. Paul Ryan posed for a fairly ridiculous series of workout-centric photos way back in December, when Ryan was a runner-up for Time's Person of the Year. Ryan, whose father and grandfather died of heart attacks, is a famous gym rat and a devotee of the P90X training system — so this probably made sense at the time. The magazine, though, decided to release some of the images today, just coincidentally (we're sure) the day of the vice presidential debate. If reaction has been mixed (New York magazine: "Is this any less silly than Dukakis in the tank?") one winner is Ryan's bicep, which landed its own Twitter account”-(Credit: MSN )

                It is my job as a blogger to point out all ridiculous things on the internet. What you see above are pictures of VP candidate and apparent gym nut Paul Ryan, who appears to be working out….with a goofy smile…..and a backwards red hat….but before I continue with this blog I’m just going to say that this is in no way a blog that portrays any of my political views. I’m just a man that loves ridiculous pictures of famous people. With that being said…HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….HAHA….HA….HAAAA. Look at this goober. I don’t care what your political stance is, these pictures are hilarious. Just VP contender getting his work out on like it aint no thang. In his defense I’m sure he had no idea these would be released so close to election time but I have to say I’m kind of glad they did. If these had been released in December no one would have gave a shit because no one would have known who he was….but given his current stance in politics it’s pretty fucking hilarious.  It looks like a poster I would see in health class with the caption “The Gym Is My Anti-Drug” underneath….or “Healthy Living Is Okay With Me”. I kind of want to find the guy who took these pictures…..because you know it wasn’t Paul Ryan’s idea to wear the ridiculous hat. “Hey Paul….we are going for a gym theme here so here’s your weights…..something’s missing…AH! Here put on this red hat….backwards” because we all know never to lift without a red hat. TJ Detweiler status.

 
P.S. Hey Paul….maybe spend less time on those killer biceps and work on those chicken legs of yours….pathetic.

Sen. Paul Ryan in his workout gear as photographed for TIME magazine (© Gregg Segal)

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Thursday, October 11, 2012

I Can’t Quite Put My Thumb On This! (You’ll See What I Did There)



“"In Italian there is an expression: 'hide myself behind my finger,'" the artist known as Dito Von Tease tells Shine. "It's a metaphor to mean a not-very-effective hiding place." However, the 33-year-old native of Bologna turned this idea on its head when he created his "Ditology" series of portraits. Von Tease, who also goes by the name "Il Dito" (The Finger), started the project three years ago, when he first subscribed to Facebook. He decided to design an avatar using a photo of his own index finger and some digital retouching. He says, "I wanted to be free from my role, my oppressive relatives, and my not-very-friends." The burlesque performer Dita Von Teese, whom he calls "an expert in disguises," inspired his alias.”-(Credit: Yahoo )

                Oh yea? You make different faces on your thumb for artistic purposes? I know what that means. *wink wink* *nudge nudge* I know why you are really doing it. Let’s talk later when Big Brother isn’t monitoring our every word. “Not this big brother shit again! Just say your idiotic theory so we can move on please” I think it’s pretty clear why he paints faces on his thumbs. You see we are in the golden age of technology. Everywhere you go some new form of tech pops up right in front of you. We are right on the cusp of having everything we use be activated by a thumb print. Don’t have the right thumb print and you can’t do much. So what has this guy done? He has gone on to become the world’s best master of thumb disguise. No matter what the technology is, he can access it with a clever thumb disguise! Genius! He’s a visionary! I’d like to see Big Brother stop that! “Oh….my…..god…… I don’t have an insult good enough for this situation. You sure you have a college degree?” Oh yes…yes I do! Dito Von Tease, I salute you and your dedication to the cause. Your thumb disguises should come in handy during the uprising. Let’s keep in TOUCH…..Do you see what I did there?

P.S. Black Face? Really?
-

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“Taken 3” Is Happening, Sorry Mike Ryan


 “The dust hasn't even settled on "Taken 2's" nearly $50 million opening weekend, and already talk has turned to its inevitable sequel. According to Hollywood.com, in an exclusive interview with the film's screenwriter Robert Mark Kamen, 20th Century Fox and producer Luc Besson are already keen on fast-tracking "Taken 3," seemingly ignoring the inconvenient fact that Liam Neeson's Bryan Mills' doesn't have any other relatives left to be kidnapped.”-(Credit: MSN )

                Sorry Mike Ryan but it looks like Liam Neeson is coming back to kick ass and take names without actually taking names. Taken 3 is happening. So that means more kidnapping. More bad female driving. More bad ass lines. Hopefully some throat ripping. Who knows what they have in store with us for the third installment but I’ll tell you what…..I can’t wait for it. I can’t wait for it and I haven’t even seen the second one yet. Yea. That’s what’s up! But MSN makes a good point here. Who is left to get kidnapped? They already took his daughter. They already took his ex-wife. They already took HIM! Who’s next? I could see them making him go save an illegitimate child or something. I can see it now! A grand reunion of father and son in Paris, when all of a sudden a group of terrorist steal his son. The only thing Liam Neeson knows how to do is to kill his way to his son. No wait! Liam Neeson’s character is going to be diagnosed with multiple personalities. He will be Bryan, former CIA agent….and RYAN, Mexican drug dealer. Ryan will kidnap his daughter and Bryan will have to find her. Bryan Mills’ greatest enemy is himself! Can he save his daughter from himself?! Find out in Taken 3! BOOM! Number one at the box office! Man! I should really write movies. I’m almost too good at it.

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Manute Bol’s Son Looks Creepily Like His Dad, Has The Best Name On The Planet


7-foot-7 Manute Bol, the tallest player in NBA history — Getty
The late Manute Bol's seventh grade son, Bol Bol, who bears a similar resemblance in features and on-court play — Home Team Hoops screen grab

 “Yet, as pointed out by Prep Rally's brotherly blog Ball Don't Lie, Bol also had a night where he showed he could really stroke the deep ball, connecting on a remarkable six 3-pointers for the 76ers in a game against the Suns. Now, some two years after Bol's death, a new, living legacy for his basketball talent has emerged: Manute Bol's son, Bol Bol. And like his father, Bol Bol is already proving that his game has range that is often belied by his stunning height.
Bol Bol is a seventh-grader in Kansas and already stands a lanky 6-foot-5. As you can see in the video above, the middle schooler already bears a stunning resemblance to his father, too, with extremely long and slender appendages that sometimes seem to be held together by mere rubber bands rather than flesh and bone.”-(Credit: Yahoo )

                I was going to sit here and make a miserable blog about how Manute Bol’s son looks exactly like Manute Bol. I mean it really is a creepy resemblance. He’s pretty much a clone of his late father. Same lanky body. Same stance. Same dumb ass look on his face when he’s standing on the court waiting for a time out to end. Must be some sort of freak clone of his father. Kid is bound to be at least 60 feet tall when he is done growing. The Guy is calling it now. Manute Bol’s son, Bol Bol, will be 60 feet tall when he is full grown. Which brings me to my next point. Manute Bol was either the laziest son of a bitch ever…..or the most underrated genius of our time. He named his son Bol Bol…..Same first name as his last name. Some may call that lazy. I call it genius. It is probably the best name in basketball. Bol Bol. So simple. So exotic. So Bol. Can you picture it now? “Now making his way to the court for The Celtics…Standing at 60 feet tall….weighing 200 lbs…..BOL BOL!!!!!” Oh, in case you missed it….I’m hereby claiming dibs on Bol Bol for The Celtics when he enters the NBA. Sure he’s only in middle school but there’s no doubt in my mind that he will be in the NBA based on the name alone. I’m not even concerned with whether or not he’s going to be a good player. I’m thinking about all the merchandise. Bol Bol shirts. Bol Bol mouse pads. Bol Bol mugs! So many opportunities! Bol Bol for president! Bol Bol for lyfe!

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